#AskCDA

CDA,

Like everyone, am waiting on pins and needles for your posits on the last two questions, but I have a third that perhaps fits in somewhere. Recently you noted that only those not any good @ pissing contests...

I am wondering if you might help us with a definitive look @ what a pissing contest really is? Are there rules, winners, you know... is it worth it?

Am also looking for a table @ an establishment in Redondo Beach and would love your thoughts on where that should be. Hopefully, this finds you looking @ the beneficial effects of ruching, but if not, @ least holding a PBR tallboy ready to play that lovely tone.

That reminds me, can I get an official PBR/CDA ringtone for my iPhone @ the app store yet?

As you can tell, spring break is going badly...

CDA,
Esperemos que esto te encuentres bien. Hablando de iPhones, no vas a creer esto. Acabo de caer la mía en mi vaso de margarita de gran tamaño, y como era de sospechar, que no va a funcionar. Jodido mi margarita así, ¿qué pasa con eso? Así que el iPad sólo tendrá que suficiente por ahora.

Estoy por un ascenso, y debido a mi edad y pérdida de visión, estoy pensando que debería ir con un 6 Plus, pero a mí respecta. ¿Hará esto que me parece que me estoy compensando algo? Me encantaría una pantalla más grande, hace que sea más fácil para buscar selecciones fruncido, mirando los Grizzlies en BS TV, y así sucesivamente. Pero tengo miedo la gente mirar cuando me azoto hacia fuera para utilizarlo, como cuando me olvido de cremallera de mis pantalones después de ir al baño. Contener este vejez?

Voy a colgar ahora y escucho mi respuesta. Dios te bendiga mi amigo, usted es un primera clase americana y un crédito a los fans de Griz todas partes.

Muchas muchas gracias.

CDA,

This past weekend I hiked up to the top of Mt. Sentinel. I walked past the M and continued to the top. When I turned around to look back down the mountain and at the valley floor, I noticed that someone had turned the M into a W. It remained a W as I approached. As I continued downhill, with my back to the W, I turned and saw that they had turned it back into an M. WTF? Is someone messing with my mind, or have I been drinking too much?

JBS said:

CDA,

I don't know how to put this in an elequant sentance so I will just ask.

Any progress on the Bigfoot research?

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JBS, this is a great question that you ask me often. Please bear with me as my wifi here on the Olympic Peninsula is as spotty as a spray fart on butcher paper. We think we are getting closer to answers. Standby.

SoldierGriz said:

CDA,

I noticed this thread has sadly slowed. Is it possible you have actually answered every single question in the history of mankind except the one about your mind-blowing bigfoot research and this one? Thank you in advance.

SoldierGriz

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SoldierGriz, this is a great question that JBS asks me often. Please see above and accept my sincere thanks for your continued patience while I find the real truth once and for all.

bgbigdog said:

CDA,

Like everyone, am waiting on pins and needles for your posits on the last two questions, but I have a third that perhaps fits in somewhere. Recently you noted that only those not any good @ pissing contests...

I am wondering if you might help us with a definitive look @ what a pissing contest really is? Are there rules, winners, you know... is it worth it?

Am also looking for a table @ an establishment in Redondo Beach and would love your thoughts on where that should be. Hopefully, this finds you looking @ the beneficial effects of ruching, but if not, @ least holding a PBR tallboy ready to play that lovely tone.

That reminds me, can I get an official PBR/CDA ringtone for my iPhone @ the app store yet?

As you can tell, spring break is going badly...

Click to expand...

BG, great question, and one that people ask me often. There are generally two ways to conduct a pissing contest: (1) Western Count; and (2) Nor'easter.

In Western Count, you have anywhere from two to twelve contestants. There is a triumvirate judging the players. They look for accuracy, distance, and speed; the three key aspects of any piss. The game is played on a roughly 10x16 foot rectangle platform. Each player takes a turn pissing. Depending on the region, artificial enhancers such as Natty Light or Hamm's might be allowed, but asparagus will get your ass kicked no matter what. After the first round, one player is eliminated. The remaining rounds are conducted the same, until only two gladiators remain. At that point, the sides of the platform are raised to create a 30 degree slope toward the middle (think Bloodsport), and the players face one another. This is called, "Face On." The chairman of the triumvirate makes the call of "ready . . . wrestle!" and the game is on. Many people say that the pissing contest doesn't really start until Face On. The object is to not only piss on the other player, but to outlast him. If a stream falls to the ground without hitting the other player, the contest is over. Agility is key at this stage, because you don't have to have much left in the tank as long as you can dodge the stream. At that point, a few drops on the canvas gets you the W. If, however, you cannot dodge the stream (and I know this from my epic 1999 battle with Freddy "Firehose" Franklin), you have to outlast the other contestant. There is no overtime.

I think I've posted the Nor'easter rules on here recently, but they can be summed up in the below:

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWQoK506xkQ[/youtube]

As for your foray into the South Bay, I would make the very short jaunt up to Hermosa Beach (just north of Redondo) to take in the offerings of Hot's Kitchen. It has a great craft brew list and a taco menu that will make you forget everything you know about tacos.

Finally:

CDA:
While in the middle of a pissing contest, if a combatant gets the "piss shivers" after his turn, does that automatically disqualify him or is that considered a normal reaction in competition?

Pee....A pissing contest is not for old farts, only reason I know of or I'd be entering the contest.

Many thanks for the recommendations CDA. As a taco aficionado, I am looking forward to finding something that will make me forget.

Hope this finds a true American well, and ruching up a storm! :werd: to your mother.

CDA - did we see the change of the guard @ Augusta today? Will Tiger ever find the path back? How come when I hit the ball out of bounds it's so hard to find? Is it really drive for show and put for dough? Are there any other bad golf-isms I've forgotten?

Will hang up now and listen for your responses.

bgbigdog said:

CDA - did we see the change of the guard @ Augusta today? Will Tiger ever find the path back? How come when I hit the ball out of bounds it's so hard to find? Is it really drive for show and put for dough? Are there any other bad golf-isms I've forgotten?

Will hang up now and listen for your responses.

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CDA:
Are you on vacation? It's not like you to not answer questions promptly....

CV Griz Fan said:

bgbigdog said:

CDA - did we see the change of the guard @ Augusta today? Will Tiger ever find the path back? How come when I hit the ball out of bounds it's so hard to find? Is it really drive for show and put for dough? Are there any other bad golf-isms I've forgotten?

Will hang up now and listen for your responses.

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CDA:
Are you on vacation? It's not like you to not answer questions promptly....

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Great question, CV, and one that people ask me often. I know. It's been a crazy month at work. I have some makeup work to do around here, and I will not let you down.

CDA,

Can't speak for everyone, but I was worried you had a too-close encounter with a cargo vessel while defending your fishing waters. Forgive me if I am outing you here, but I caught a KABC evening broadcast where this amazing Belzona 327 walk around was skipping in an among the cargo ships with a huge trailing banner that read "Get the F*&K Out of My Fishing!"

The boater was a rather handsome man, (not that I would know such things) but it was hard to make out all the features because of the poor camera work. (What's happened to TV journalism today - everything on one of the GD cell phones?) I did catch a glimpse of him, and am sure he was wearing a maroon colored hat, Ray Bans™ and clutching a PBR Tallboy. You and I have never met, but I was wondering, was that you?

If there are legal ramifications, I would understand if you are unable to answer. :wink:

CDA, when one "kicks ass and takes names", what does one do with the names? Is there a national registry or what?

And Grizzly I also am curious as to the names?
If it is a cute girls ass then what?
CDA needs to respond. This is a very important topic and perhaps CDA is the only one with the answer!

CV Griz Fan said:

CDA:
While in the middle of a pissing contest, if a combatant gets the "piss shivers" after his turn, does that automatically disqualify him or is that considered a normal reaction in competition?

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CV, great question, and one that people ask me often. The piss shivers and overspray are "rub of the green." The Committee has, however, recently outlawed the "garden hose" wherein a friend of one contestant walks up behind the other contestant, shakes him by the shoulders, and yells, "GARDEN HOSE!" It was a piss poor ruling.

bgbigdog said:

CDA - did we see the change of the guard @ Augusta today? Will Tiger ever find the path back? How come when I hit the ball out of bounds it's so hard to find? Is it really drive for show and put for dough? Are there any other bad golf-isms I've forgotten?

Will hang up now and listen for your responses.

Click to expand...

BG, this is a series of great questions, and ones that people ask me often. I really like Jordan Spieth, and his performance this week was pretty great, too, all things considered. It will be interesting to see if his putter can keep it up. Many talk about his lack of power as a drawback, but he seems to be comfortable with it. In the end, I think he will get close to 10 majors.

Tiger will find his way back. I think the avenue lies across the narrow sea in Europe at the Open Championship. There are a few courses in the Open rota that he can go without hitting a driver. It seems like his game goes where his driver goes. Lately sideways.

Your OB balls are hard to find because they are no longer on a golf course. Stop hitting it OB. It's like rolling a bowling ball out to the parking lot.

It's not drive for show; putt for dough anymore. Everything is for dough. Except when it's OB.

There are a few cliches you've forgotten, but if you keep your head down, take it one shot at a time, don't try to kill it, swing it easy when it's breezy, and hit the little ball before the big ball, you'll remember that there are no pictures on the scorecard.

bgbigdog said:

CDA,

Can't speak for everyone, but I was worried you had a too-close encounter with a cargo vessel while defending your fishing waters. Forgive me if I am outing you here, but I caught a KABC evening broadcast where this amazing Belzona 327 walk around was skipping in an among the cargo ships with a huge trailing banner that read "Get the F*&K Out of My Fishing!"

The boater was a rather handsome man, (not that I would know such things) but it was hard to make out all the features because of the poor camera work. (What's happened to TV journalism today - everything on one of the GD cell phones?) I did catch a glimpse of him, and am sure he was wearing a maroon colored hat, Ray Bans™ and clutching a PBR Tallboy. You and I have never met, but I was wondering, was that you?

If there are legal ramifications, I would understand if you are unable to answer. :wink:

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BG, another great question that I'm asked often, by people. It wasn't me in the Belzona 327, but I have been involved in recent fishing ground defense activities. As it sits now, if I put the hammer down when I clear the jetty, I will broadside a container ship within about 2 minutes. While I appreciate the taste of an "anchor chain rockfish" in a taco as much as the next guy, it has been ridiculous of late. The captain of the Belzona is actually my buddy, Steve "Ace" Nutter. He got his nickname after a nasty chain link fence accident as a youth, but he is a damned fine fisherman with one helluva sled. Come to think of it, I left my glasses and hat on his rig last time we ran out to Farnsworth Bank. I'm going to have to ask him about that banner. It seems a bit on the nose. Fucking Ace.

Grisly Fan said:

CDA, when one "kicks ass and takes names", what does one do with the names? Is there a national registry or what?

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GF, that is a great question that people ask me often. If the ass kicker/name taker is an member of the Guild, he will indeed submit the names for inclusion in the Registry of Associated Dudes Amalgamated Series Seven. Once submitted to RADASS, the Committee verifies the names, and hopefully includes them in "The Books." The Books rival the old Lloyd's of London Register as the first word in who has had their names taken. A picture of the ass is often included.

Umista said:

And Grizzly I also am curious as to the names?
If it is a cute girls ass then what?
CDA needs to respond. This is a very important topic and perhaps CDA is the only one with the answer!

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Umista, as usual, the first question is not a question, and therefore is not one that people ask me, ever. The second, however, is somehow a great question that people ask me often. The Committee frowns upon kicking the ass of women. That said, sometimes bystanders' assess might be included in the submission. Such submissions are just a gratuitous display of assess the likes of which I cannot condone. They add nothing to the submission, and are simply abhorrent. Here are some examples for reference: