#AskCDA

[bgbigdog]

CDA, can you help an old guy with an infrequent eGriz reference? Who is Dae Dae? In the land of my ancestry, Scotland, Dae is literally translated into the English "Do", or in this case, "Do-Do."

My caddy for a round @ the new St. Andrews used that a lot when I asked if I should compensate for the wind coming right to left. (Big-assed slice). Then when I'd hit the shot, I'd hear him mumble "Bampot" as we were walking to my OB ball. After the round, I asked the bartender what that meant, and he said that I would be offended. Cost me $20 for him to say the caddy was calling me an idiot. Then he said, "Away an Boil yer heed." Yeah, I know what means too. F$&king Scots. You have to pay to get on any trout steam. No public access points there. What' up with that? But I digress. Well enough about me, how about Dae Dae?

Hopefully this finds you well.

 

[CDAGRIZ]

CDA, can you help an old guy with an infrequent eGriz reference? Who is Dae Dae? In the land of my ancestry, Scotland, Dae is literally translated into the English "Do", or in this case, "Do-Do."

My caddy for a round @ the new St. Andrews used that a lot when I asked if I should compensate for the wind coming right to left. (Big-assed slice). Then when I'd hit the shot, I'd hear him mumble "Bampot" as we were walking to my OB ball. After the round, I asked the bartender what that meant, and he said that I would be offended. Cost me $20 for him to say the caddy was calling me an idiot. Then he said, "Away an Boil yer heed." Yeah, I know what means too. F$&king Scots. You have to pay to get on any trout steam. No public access points there. What' up with that? But I digress. Well enough about me, how about Dae Dae?

Hopefully this finds you well.

BG, this is a great question, and one that people ask me often (complete with the narrative regarding caddies). Interpretations of his writings abound, but the consensus is Dae Dae is one who is better than all in space. He is best.

I'm not sure what the "New St. Andrews" is, but I'm hoping it's not Larchmont GC. I used to work there, and if you were hitting sideways drives onto Reserve St. car dealerships, then the Scot to which you refer was likely a shirtless transient with little to no course knowledge. They way you play Larchmont is to hit fairways and keep the ball under the hole. Coincidentally, the way you play St. Andrews is to hit fairways and keep the ball under the hole. Great question.

-CDA

 

[NorthEndZoneDan]

CDA, I've been watching a lot of the Lady Griz softball team and noticed I've been having some rather impure thoughts. My question to you - I can never remember what Frank Sinatra preached about whiskey and ice. Is it supposed to be a pour with three fingers and two ice cubes or is the pour two fingers with three cubes of ice?

 

[CDAGRIZ]

CDA, I've been watching a lot of the Lady Griz softball team and noticed I've been having some rather impure thoughts. My question to you - I can never remember what Frank Sinatra preached about whiskey and ice. Is it supposed to be a pour with three fingers and two ice cubes or is the pour two fingers with three cubes of ice?

Dan, this is a great question that I'm asked often, by people. Certain of the Griz faithful have fallen to the same fate regarding women's softball and impure thoughts. It's perfectly natural. As for your question, it's a matter of personal preference. Some prefer three fingers with two cubes, some prefer two fingers with three cubes, and some prefer a whole fist with no pubes. There is no wrong way.

 

[EverettGriz]

CDA, I've been watching a lot of the Lady Griz softball team and noticed I've been having some rather impure thoughts. My question to you - I can never remember what Frank Sinatra preached about whiskey and ice. Is it supposed to be a pour with three fingers and two ice cubes or is the pour two fingers with three cubes of ice?

Dan, this is a great question that I'm asked often, by people. Certain of the Griz faithful have fallen to the same fate regarding women's softball and impure thoughts. It's perfectly natural. As for your question, it's a matter of personal preference. Some prefer three fingers with two cubes, some prefer two fingers with three cubes, and some prefer a whole fist with no pubes. There is no wrong way.

:shock:

:clap: :lol:

CDA, you outdid even yourself here. :lol:

 

[WAaggieFan]

CDA
For years I have struggled to find the answer to a most daunting question. Each time I think I've honed in on the answer I find that it has eluded me once again. I have lost countless hours of sleep which has negatively impacted my production and, consequently, my career simply pondering the depth of the quandary.
The question is this. Which is larger; a sh!tload or an a$$load?
Some have argued that because a sh!t originates in an a$$ it, and by extension a sh!tload, must be smaller than an a$$load.
Others have argued that while an a$$ is a finite container there are many containers, such as Bobcat Stadium, that hold a whole lot of sh!t and are certainly larger than a singular a$$. Therefore the sh!tload must be larger than an a$$load.
Please help an old UoM grad school alum get his life back.

 

[AllWeatherFan]

Dear CDA,

First of all, welcome to WAaggieFan. Possibly the best first post ever.

Second, thank you for the valuable service you provide to eGriz readers and all citizens. You are a great American.

But there is a question that has been vexing me since I was a wee lad, and the question is this: Why does it appear that Fred Flintstone keeps running past the same rock, over and over and over again? I am starting to believe there is some funny business going on. Am I right be be concerned about this?

Sincerely,
AWF
UNDSU Fan Since 1952

 

[EverettGriz]

CDA
For years I have struggled to find the answer to a most daunting question. Each time I think I've honed in on the answer I find that it has eluded me once again. I have lost countless hours of sleep which has negatively impacted my production and, consequently, my career simply pondering the depth of the quandary.
The question is this. Which is larger; a sh!tload or an a$$load?
Some have argued that because a sh!t originates in an a$$ it, and by extension a sh!tload, must be smaller than an a$$load.
Others have argued that while an a$$ is a finite container there are many containers, such as Bobcat Stadium, that hold a whole lot of sh!t and are certainly larger than a singular a$$. Therefore the sh!tload must be larger than an a$$load.
Please help an old UoM grad school alum get his life back.

Two words:

Post more!

 

[CDAGRIZ]

CDA
For years I have struggled to find the answer to a most daunting question. Each time I think I've honed in on the answer I find that it has eluded me once again. I have lost countless hours of sleep which has negatively impacted my production and, consequently, my career simply pondering the depth of the quandary.
The question is this. Which is larger; a sh!tload or an a$$load?
Some have argued that because a sh!t originates in an a$$ it, and by extension a sh!tload, must be smaller than an a$$load.
Others have argued that while an a$$ is a finite container there are many containers, such as Bobcat Stadium, that hold a whole lot of sh!t and are certainly larger than a singular a$$. Therefore the sh!tload must be larger than an a$$load.
Please help an old UoM grad school alum get his life back.

Waggie Fan, this a one of the greatest questions that people ask me often. In asking it, you've all but answered your own great question, that, again, is one that people ask me often. When speaking of an individual, a shitload is smaller than an assload, for exactly the reason you state: one shit is [almost] always smaller than one ass. However, and sometimes unexplainably, a conglomeration of asses can get together in Reno H. Sales or Roos Field to make a shitload more than an assload.

The flaw originates in thinking that the "shit to ass" (we'll call that s2a) ratio remains linear as the number of asses increase. It doesn't. As more asses congregate, the s2a ratio increases exponentially. For instance: a chance encounter with a Cat fan in Vegas will likely result in an s2a ratio of 1:1 (controlled for hot wing intake, obviously). Conversely, a trip to the Cat's Paw on a random Tuesday will likely return an s2a ratio of closer to 3:1, due to the amount of shit being spewed.

Now, where this gets really dicey is in assessing UNDSU fans. No matter the number of them in one place, the s2a ratio remains less than 1:1 due to the sheer volume of each individual ass. That fan base is the only one nationwide that can outrace the s2a principle as they join forces. They literally cannot outshit their huge asses.

 

[WAaggieFan]

CDA
One final question for now and then I'll leave room for other great Americans to find wisdom from the Treasure State Sage.
One afternoon while heading up the pass out of Lolo bound for Orofino I blew the head gasket in my trusty pickup. Don't worry everyone. I was able to eventually get both the rig and yours truly back to Missoula.
Now, I was tough enough to hike around everywhere I needed to go while I made the repairs but I was also lazy and smart enough to know I didn't want to.
Friday night rolled around and I was itching for some late night brains and eggs. Besides, in those days you could eat your food in a back room of the Oxford where the trashy strippers swayed. Many beers were needed but it was still brains, eggs, beers and boobs all at the same time.
In a serious bind, I decided to borrow the neighbor's scooter. The breeze in my hair felt great that warm evening as I headed across town. I have to admit it was a fun ride and that scooter had a bit more giddy up than I thought it would. However, as I met my buddies at the Oxford on that scooter I was subjected to a sh!tload ;-) of grief.
Never had I felt deeper shame. Needless to say, that experience strengthened my resolve to drop a new gasket in ol' trusty.
The head on that aluminum engine was warped too and I knew it would take time to get the job done so I set up in the alley behind my apartment on McLeod.
As I was working, a gal from a couple places down came by and we struck up a conversation. I should point out here that it would be a stretch to just call this girl "husky." She was rather large but it had been a trying couple of weeks and one thing led to another. I had the tailgate down in no time and poured the coals to her. Gawd it felt good!
Just then the garbage truck came into the alley and I'll never forget the look of disgust on the driver's face.
Which brings me to my point. I can absolutely vouch for the old saying that scooters and fat chicks are both a lot of fun to ride until someone sees you.
And that brings me to my question. Given the size of NoDak chicks why do so many Bison fans keep talking about being on ESPN as though it's a good thing for them? Where's the shame? I will accept simple stupidity as an answer but I am really hoping there's more to it.
Signed, puzzled.

 

[CDAGRIZ]

Dear CDA,

First of all, welcome to WAaggieFan. Possibly the best first post ever.

Second, thank you for the valuable service you provide to eGriz readers and all citizens. You are a great American.

But there is a question that has been vexing me since I was a wee lad, and the question is this: Why does it appear that Fred Flintstone keeps running past the same rock, over and over and over again? I am starting to believe there is some funny business going on. Am I right be be concerned about this?

Sincerely,
AWF
UNDSU Fan Since 1952

AWF, this is a great question that people ask me often. You are indeed right to be concerned about this. Hanna-Barbera's animators were well known for drawing circular chase scenes. Literally. As in, Fred and Co. always ran in a circle. Few know that Bedrock was actually a very small town. Accordingly, when Wilma ran off with the credit card, she basically just ran in a circle as Fred gave chase. An even lesser known tidbit is the story of how Bedrock got its name. I won't say too much, but suffice to say Barney was not Betty's first.

 

[ALPHAGRIZ1]

CDA, long time listener, first time caller:

I know that you have seen these advertised on TV and the internet

http://www.amazon.com/Boyfriend-Pillow-Original-Companion-TRADEMARKED/dp/B002RWJ9S8" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

My question is, we both know that some eGriz posters have DEFINITELY purchased one of these and I want to know who you think owns one.

I will hang up and wait for your response, like a 16 year old girl waiting for Gilmore Girls to come on.

 

[CDAGRIZ]

CDA, long time listener, first time caller:

I know that you have seen these advertised on TV and the internet

http://www.amazon.com/Boyfriend-Pillow-Original-Companion-TRADEMARKED/dp/B002RWJ9S8" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

My question is, we both know that some eGriz posters have DEFINITELY purchased one of these and I want to know who you think owns one.

I will hang up and wait for your response, like a 16 year old girl waiting for Gilmore Girls to come on.

AG, this is a great question that I'm often asked, by people. I had a four paragraph answer typed up before I clicked the link. I mistakenly thought you meant the gal, and not the pillow. I have indeed encountered such gals advertised on late night TV and the Internet in my Google Adsense suggestions, and I know for a fact that many eGriz posters have purchased the company of the same. I will spare you those names.

The Boyfriend Pillow, on the other hand, is something with which I was unfamiliar. After extensive research into the target demographic, I would be willing to bet the following posters own a Boyfriend Pillow:

Grizindabox
Evers
IronEagleXP
Poorgriz

On the Amazon link provided, one can clearly see the option to purchase a Girlfriend Pillow with a choice rack. The following posters have likely done so:

Steaming Fecal
GrizRule

In a strange twist, Titleist is actually rumored to have TWO Girlfriend Pillows (a righty and a lefty). Further, snap PM'ed me to say that he thought he had two Girlfriend Pillows, but they turned out to be real. Finally, 420 went a different direction, Ol' Big Booty Judy: http://www.amazon.com/Big-Mouth-Toy...id=1430802513&sr=1-7&keywords=inflatable+doll

 

[ALPHAGRIZ1]

Agreed, and I wouldnt expect anything less from 420, he parties like rock stars used to....the right way.

You nailed the others with laser like precision which is why your advice column has the readership and following it does. Like a more athletic Ann Landers if you will.

Good day

 

[AllWeatherFan]

Simple question, CDA, because I know you're a busy man with responsibilities:

Lager or ale?

 

[WAaggieFan]

Agreed, and I wouldnt expect anything less from 420, he parties like rock stars used to....the right way.

You nailed the others with laser like precision which is why your advice column has the readership and following it does. Like a more athletic Ann Landers if you will.

Good day

No! I'm the only one who parties!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6Y2nPHYpmXc" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

 

[EverettGriz]

CDA, people often tell me I drink too much. For obvious reasons, this concerns me deeply.

Therefore, I'd like to know, how can I drink more without them knowing?

 

[CDAGRIZ]

Simple question, CDA, because I know you're a busy man with responsibilities:

Lager or ale?

AWF, this is a great question that people ask me often. The answer lies in another question (which is great and also asked of me often, by people): Indoors or outdoors? If indoors, say, at a gentlemen's dinner at the club, an ale will always outclass a lager. If outdoors, however, at a tailgate or on the golf course, an American Lager makes the grade. Pro tip: for the perfect breakfast on a fishing boat, pair a Jimmy Dean Sausage and Egg Sando with an American Light Lager. It nearly always produces fish, and if the boat doesn't have a head, you will produce some inexpensive chum in about 20-30 minutes. All of these items are available at your local Costco.

Now, the big no-no is wine, specifically white wine. Before moving to my current locale, I never really saw a grown man drink white wine. I'll never forget the time a good friend of mine, native to the area, ordered a Salmon Salad and House Chardonnay on the patio of a local steakhouse for lunch. I looked at him a bit funny, and he said, "What? I'm a Chardonnay guy." I told him how much I hated oxymorons as I flipped the table over. It is one lifetime ban I wear with pride.

 

[Ursa Major]

Simple question, CDA, because I know you're a busy man with responsibilities:

Lager or ale?

AWF, this is a great question that people ask me often. The answer lies in another question (which is great and also asked of me often, by people): Indoors or outdoors? If indoors, say, at a gentlemen's dinner at the club, an ale will always outclass a lager. If outdoors, however, at a tailgate or on the golf course, an American Lager makes the grade. Pro tip: for the perfect breakfast on a fishing boat, pair a Jimmy Dean Sausage and Egg Sando with an American Light Lager. It nearly always produces fish, and if the boat doesn't have a head, you will produce some inexpensive chum in about 20-30 minutes. All of these items are available at your local Costco.

Now, the big no-no is wine, specifically white wine. Before moving to my current locale, I never really saw a grown man drink white wine. I'll never forget the time a good friend of mine, native to the area, ordered a Salmon Salad and House Chardonnay on the patio of a local steakhouse for lunch. I looked at him a bit funny, and he said, "What? I'm a Chardonnay guy." I told him how much I hated oxymorons as I flipped the table over. It is one lifetime ban I wear with pride.

HA!!

 

[CDAGRIZ]

CDA, people often tell me I drink too much. For obvious reasons, this concerns me deeply.

Therefore, I'd like to know, how can I drink more without them knowing?

EG, this is a great question that people ask me often. You basically have two options: High end vodka or Hennigan's Scotch. It's the no smell, no tell, scotch.